On conditional listening

There’s something I want to address and talk about. Something that left me feeling terribly sad, angry and powerless when it happened. Something which I can imagine many people go through on a daily basis and feel the same way about.

It’s something that happened between an old friend of mine and it still bothers me today because I think it’s more problematic than it might seem;

My old friend told me that they didn’t take me seriously because my tone of voice wasn’t confident enough to them. So to them, what I said I didnt really mean. In that moment they decided that what I said wasn’t of importance to them.

Now why does that bother me? Besides the fact that this happens on a mass scale the moment that youre reading this, I don’t want people taking me seriously depend on something that is so malleable and inconstant. It is conditional listening. It can really hurt and do damage to relationships in general, and especially in the worst case scenarios. Imagine someone is in serious pain but the person they talked to didn’t take them seriously simply because the tone of voice didn’t sit right with them. Imagine people who are being bullied not being taken seriously when they’re actually crying out for help but now that the bullying has damaged the victims sense of self esteem, they struggle to speak up for themselves and raise their voice. Imagine people who have been raped undergo the same thing.There are so many reasons why people don’t have the confidence to convey the sense of importance of what they’re saying. Everyone struggles with it sometimes. And while it is important to listen to the emotions which lie behind peoples words, it is important not to make taking each other seriously, depend on them.

And this doesn’t just end with the tone. It applies to everything within the human expression; speed, volume, emotion, length, body language, …

I can’t stress enough how hurful and damaging that can be. It can leave one feeling unwanted, unheard, unseen and more.

Have you had experiences like these?

Your voice matters.